I remember from a young age I had heard “you cannot love anyone unless you love yourself first”. Finally, at age 40 I understand what that means. Prior, this phrase did not make sense to me. I “loved” the girl friends I had. I “loved” my friends. I “love” my wife. I “love” my kids. I “love” many people. Well, many of those “loves” we either lust or admiration. There is a different love I am talking about. The kind of love that you can forgive others or at least move on when people hurt you.
Let me explain. This is where loving yourself comes in play. I always blamed myself for almost everything. I was my own worst critic. Something would happen to someone else and at the least I would look at myself and say, “did I have anything to do with that”? I had no forgiveness for myself if I hurt anyone or said anything to anyone that might have had the slightest negative impact on them. You the reader might say, “well that is great, you have concerns for others”. No, that is lack of love for oneself. When one is so hard on themselves, and beats themselves down, you better be sure they will beat others down as well. Being a critic on myself resulted in me viewing other the same when they made a mistake. In my mind, if I could beat myself down for my mistakes, then I could surely beat others for theirs.
Having love for yourself and forgiving yourself makes you forgive others for their mistakes. Let me give an example. Let’s say I say something hurtful to someone. If I forgive myself out of love, apologize and work on myself to better myself and move on without lingering on it obsessively, then when someone does the same to me, I find it easier to forgive them as well because it’s something that I have gone through myself.
I must say though, loving yourself is not easy; specially if most of your life you have judged yourself. It takes time. It takes practice. Make sure you spend time with supportive friends. Say good things about yourself, never put yourself down, even as a joke. Faith and God is also a great tool. I managed to increase my faith by listening to messages by Joel Osteen, highly recommend him.